My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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