Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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