Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
