i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
