I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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