i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
