Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
