I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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