Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
