where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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