I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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