I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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