I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't deserve a penis
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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