You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
