Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
