Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
