dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
