i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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