I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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