Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
how drunk are you?
Several
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
