Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
