You really coming over, don't trick.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
