I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
