I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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