dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
