Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
"it" just moved
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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