what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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