just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
