Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
