Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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