dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
