Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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