im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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