and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
