no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i will never coherently bang her
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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