You can't motorboat a personality
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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