I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
