your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
