True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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