the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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