Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
