Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
