whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
