If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
