So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
