I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
