I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
