Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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