my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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