Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
