Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just pynch a tree in the face
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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