Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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