She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize