She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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