very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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