I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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