This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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