member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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