You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
