oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
