dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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