I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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