im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
