i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
