Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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