Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
